Dear Mom

\I miss you. But you knew that.

What youalso know is the mess we have here on earth. Can you help? The Presheident is a moron, and so are the persons he has named to his Canet.

I trust Dad is okay, since you got himt o Paradise through your charming of Saint PeterGlaying golf in the clouds?

I'll likely be at eh Pearlies pretty soon. Please remain near them; I'll very likely need your influence to get me into Paradise.

Speaking of PARDISE< IS IT REALL ALL THAT IT HAS CLAIMED TO BE? It's ver hard for me to even consider the possibility twho here is no one there who misbehaves at lest a mite, from time to time.

And how great is the music? I can only imagineand can scarecely wait to hear it in person. Does PAVAROTTIE SING IN THE CHORI? Ajd what have you been able to do about Bing Crosy and Tex Ritter and, none of whom could hit the sme note twice, as you know.

Do men and women actually have sex in Paradise? And if they do, how, across sexex, between sexes or in some manner I cannot imagine.

Referring bck to golf, how good is Saint Peter? We hear down her that he routinely beats Jack Nicklous every time they playl

As you know I like basketball very mch. What are the netslike where yur are? Are they made of cotton or something els And do Wilt Chambrlain and Bob Cousey every play on the sme team?

As you can tell, I don't really know what to expect about Paradise that is. Judging from the little bit yu've told me, I have concluded it's not at all like what we were tught in Sunday School and in that regard, I must also ask if it's true that anger and violence do exist in Pardise, but in an entirely different form from they way they are typicallly experienced b us earthlings.

Does Paradise have fences over which I can talk to my neighbores, or do we actually talk to one another in our respective back yards?

i love our ack yard, the one you created with your beautiful plants and flowers. If there's nothing like it in heaven can I bring it with me when I come?

The same goes or my old trombone, which I haven't actually played for over forty years now. Can I bring the horn with me or will it be out of place in the Paradise band?

I'd love tobe in the Pardise band. What does it take to qualify? Is it true that to qualify one must be able to play well on three instruments. True or false.

Lastly, I am compelled to sk: what are church services like in Paradise? Do the pople pray? And more importntly, do they actually listen to the sermons?

I want to preach in Paradise. Is that even remotely possible. If not, I must tahnk you kindly while telling you bluntly: send me to the lesser gates, to Hellif you can.